Cinematic Fancies

In lieu of the various films that are currently being released for the up and coming winter break (in which I have no such break and can only hope and dream of Christmas past), I have complied a list of sorts for yours and my entertainment. This is just a mini-list, term used loosely, on a few cinematic attractions that have caught my fancy.¹

NOTE: Also, take in mind that I have made my assumptions on the greatness of these films based on the trailer and we all know how that can take a different turn most of the time. And go ahead and click on the image to watch what I'm talking about.

Keira Knightley, Jude Law & Aaron Johnson in Anna Karenina

Anna Karenina. This looks utterly majestic. The costumes, the artistry, even the music (in which using Two Steps From Hell's 'Nero' in the trailer is a +) makes me put this as my first choice to see in theaters. And a blonde Aaron Johnson? Weird and unusual, but I'll take it. I'm very fond of period pieces and enjoy the portrayals of elegance, poise, and sophistication that each character brings to the screen. I always come out feeling and saying 'I wish I wore those ginormous dresses.' And then there's the men. Yes, they were scoundrels and jerks and maniacal, calculating bastards, but damn, do they look good in period-piece clothing. And as far as the plot goes, I'm a huge fan of the love triangle or the there-are-certain-obstacles-that-can't-let-them-be-together-but-they-will-do-their-best-to-continue-their-love plot. What I do find interesting about this film is that for the first time ever, Jude Law is NOT the other guy! He's the one that gets cheated on! I know. I couldn't believe it as well. This is the first existing example, for me, of the most dreaded situation that can happen to an actor: being cast as the old guy.² I still look at him as that young, sexy homosexual in Wilde or that sexy piece of ass that Kevin Spacey was sleeping with in Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil.³ I know that we all age and our roles in life change with it. I just miss him being that hunk of a man he really is. Lately, he's been hiding behind a beard, which I believe will continue to grow for the rest of his existence because this isn't the first beard he's showcased for a movie (Sherlock Holmes anyone?). Regardless, this film looks to be wonderfully magnificent and a must-see in my eyes.

SIDENOTE: Unfortunately half the screen captures I've seen look like ALL Keira Knightley movies so forgive me if this picture looks indistinguishable from the rest.

Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz & Leonardo DiCaprio in Django Unchained

Django Unchained. Directed by Quentin Tarantino. Enough said. Then you add a remixed version of James Brown's 'The Payback' and you've got cinema gold. And forgive me for saying that Christoph Waltz looks mighty fine as the bounty hunter that teaches Jamie Foxx how to kill the bad guys. I wouldn't mind if he came looking for me in the middle of the night. I really enjoy how Tarantino lays out his films in a storytelling manner. You know you're not just watching a movie, but in reality a piece of art. And you can tell by the way he films, with interesting angles and photographic close-ups. And of course, his musical selections for his films are unparalleled and spot on. I like knowing about those little facts that make films increasingly entertaining, like in the last scene where Jamie Foxx informs that the 'D' is silent in his name (which I still have issues saying), he's actually speaking to the man that played Django in the original film. And then you've got Leonardo DiCaprio playing the bad guy, whom I admire as an actor for having grown from his tragic hero-esque personas he used to play. I simply just can't wait!

Alice Englert & Alden Ehrenreich in Beautiful Creatures

Beautiful Creatures. Right off the bat, the trailer begins with Florence + the Machine's 'Seven Devils'. Need I say more? This supernatural romance has me completely intrigued, up to the point where I want to start reading the novels. And it's not your usual Twilight flick. No, you can tell that this is going to be something different of the sorts. Completely new actors is a good thing because you know that there HAS to be more talent out there than Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. But yes, for this one I'm utterly excited and I can't wait. February 13th, I've marked you on my calender.

Kristen I Can't Act Stewart, Robert Should of Dumped Her Ass Pattinson & Sexy As Fuck Lee Pace in Twilight: Finally

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Okay, let's be honest. Did you seriously not see this coming? I mean, come on people. I've sat through all of them. How could I not see how it all ends! And let's take into consideration the horrific scarring of the changes of the moon which will now and forever be connected to this damned series. I'm not even going to go into the discussion that Kristen Stewart only has one face for EVERY reaction and Robert Pattinson isn't even THAT hot. The only thing I'm looking forward to from this flick: the other fucking vampires. Yes. I'm damned tired of seeing the same damned vampires (except Jasper; I've got a soft spot for that guy) parading around Bella. I will admit; I really did enjoy the last movie because it was somewhat intriguing. Even though, again, Bella looked like she felt like vomitting through her entire wedding and honeymoon, it was still a pretty good movie. As far as Jacob, since I did not read the book, I can only assume that he just claimed 'dibs' on Reneesemee (or however you spell that dreadful name), and that's just wrong on SO MANY levels. Either way, I'm watching this, by choice.

SIDENOTE: Check out the amazing Photoshop skills displayed here in this lovely screen capture that I have acquired. Believe me when I say that I thought this was fan art only to find that there is an ACTUAL poster with this horrific monstrosity amplified.

Voice Talents of Hugh Jackman, Alec Baldwin & Jude Law in Rise of the Guardians

Rise of the Guardians. Santa Claus has a fucking tattoo. Said and Done!

Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage & Martin Freeman in The Hobbit: Something About A Journey

The Hobbit: Another Long Ass Walk. As long as their not walking for the entire length of the film, which happened to last about three hours in the last movie, them I'm good. But in reality, I'm only going to see Richard Armitage as a dwarf. Actually, practically all the damn dwarves look good in this film. So, I'm going to go see all of them. They're the closest thing to gnomes I can get instead of Gnomeo and Juliet. Oh, and I believe Lee Pace is also in this film as well.


On a Cinematic Sidenote:

Mila Kunis, James Franco & Rachel Weisz in Oz: the Great and Powerful or Something Like That

Oz: The Great and Powerful. This is another film that I simply cannot wait till it hits theaters. The only reason I have put it so far down on the list is because I currently have a bit of 'beef', for a lack of better words, if you will, with this film. Apparently, out of the three witches, one of them will become the Wicked Witch of the West and there is speculation on who it will be. Well, it can't be the woman in white because, 'Hello'! That's Glinda, Glenda, or whatever that Good Witch's name is who but all provides mini proverbs to Dorothy instead of helping her out as she should of and just sending her home in the first place. Maybe its the witch with the peacock feathers! Yes, let's completely overlook that Mila Kunis is wearing a hat that ONLY SLIGHTLY resembles the hat of the Wicked Witch of the West. Whoever it may be (*cough cough* Mila Kunis), this film is sure to be a visual pleasure.

The Creepiness That is this Commercial

World War Z. Seriously? Brad Pitt in a zombie movie? Now all I can think about is that damned Chanel commercial. No matter what film he does, I will always think of this ridiculous and creepy perfume campaign. Thank you Chanel! My ovaries no longer yearn for the touch of Brad Pitt.

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¹ And let's ignore the fact that I have been gone for about four months. I've been slightly busy, lazy, a little bit of everything. Just enjoy the fact that I'm back writing, though I can't guarantee you it is for good! I'm sporadic like that.

² Goes for women as well.

³ Yes. I totally did just realize that the man has been in an innumerable amount of films that have him playing a homosexual. Oh well! If you've got those boyish features, flaunt them any which way you can!

Qui est Le Chat Dangereux?

Well, first of all, Le Chat Dangereux is not of French descent, origin, or by any other means of French lineage. In fact, the only French influence that Le Chat Dangereux has acquired throughout her existence is that of her five years of attempting to learn the language and then proceed to fail miserably at keeping up with it. Her alias is a homage to her "French roots", so to say, and an attempt to give justification to the five wasted years of having learned nothing at all.¹

Le Chat Dangereux is not a daredevil in any aspect of her life, yet the same can't be said for her driving abilities.²

She does not have David Bowie eyes, although there are a few photographs out there that this statement can be argued with.³

She doesn't enjoy long walks on the beach unless it is during the hours of 12 a.m. to 3 in the morning, when the winds howl near the ocean and the sand doesn't feel as sticky as it should be.⁴

Le Chat Dangereux likes her fonts to be of 8 pt. size or smaller, yet realizes that this may be the reason that her vision is a -6.25 on both the left and right eyes.⁵

She is well aware of the close significance of her choice of alias. So to touch base on the matter, there will be no talk of pussies, dangerous or otherwise. 

She is not a virgin, so there might be talk of pussies, dangerous or otherwise.⁶

Le Chat Dangereux is currently available and feels that the opposite sex should have the same sentiments as her confidantes have; that she is an awesome person who deserves to have someone give it to her right every night.⁷

She isn't the prettiest girl in the world, nor the ugliest. She just has this face, that comes with a pair of lips, one nose, and two eyes. Along with this face comes a set of ears attached to the sides, hair that extends down to the tip of her shoulders, dyed half in blue (currently), and a smile that could still your beating heart.⁸

She enjoys viewing moments in life as if they all deserved their own cinematic exposure and feels that life would look much more attractive if there was an option of movement in slow motion.⁹

She is a friend, although she doesn't have many; a lover, although she currently doesn't have anyone to love; a fighter, mentally she's fought the world; and a mother, in terms of "one badass motherfucker."

Qui est Le Chat Dangereux?

Elle est moi.

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¹ If asked, she attributes this to it not being her fault, but that of her instructors who didn't teach her how to completely express herself in this romance language using social situations. Instead, they taught her how to write it. So basically, don't expect Le Chat to come up to you speaking in fluent French, but do acknowledge the fact that she can write the hell out of it in letter form.

² Drivers who see pedestrians as points should not be allowed on the road, unless they are contributing to the overall evolution of mankind by weeding out the bad ones.

³ She enjoys and is amused by this little tidbit very much.

⁴ She hates sand. It's a passionate argument and I wouldn't bring it up if I were you. 

⁵ Vision is worsening as we speak. 

⁶ In terms of relationships and sexual encounters/escapades or phrases, Le Chat Dangereux is, for a lack of better words, very heated in her discussions of the opposite sex. In other words, she has no boundaries. For instance, ass-raped: how she feels on a daily basis when automobiles drive too close to her car from behind.

⁷ Although every night may seem excessive, this is the current frequency in which Dangereux feels she should be pleasured to.

⁸ Smile could be a mechanism of attack, so be mindful. 

⁹ Although this notion could potentially ruin time as we know it, at least time would look good being ruined.