Ned. Where there's bad, there's good and this guy is the sweetest topping of them all. Just plain adorable and possibly the cutest, sweetest, lovable, lovely, darling dear you have ever seen or heard of in television history. And the fuckers canceled the show.2 Ned is one of those all-around good guys with a heart of gold, diamond, silver, bronze, you name it! His shy demeanor makes him instantly lovable, his smile and bushy eyebrows just melt your heart. His nickname is the Pie Maker for fuck's sake. How could you not love that?!? What makes him all the more appealing is his perseverance to keep his childhood sweetheart alive by doing the one thing that you would want to do to your childhood sweetheart if you were still hung up on them: Touch her. If you haven't seen the series, I highly recommend it. It was truly one of television's treasures that gets canceled because let's face it... Not everyone knows where the treasure is. Regardless, Ned is the epitome of the sweetest guy in the world. There's nothing wrong about him unless you consider that he helps solves murder cases by touching dead people, allowing them to speak for no more than sixty seconds, then touching them again, returning them to their rigor mortis state. But that's just his side job. Remember, he makes pies. And, if the time comes that I have been murdered, killed, or assassinated3, I can be guaranteed that this man will save me, if I haven't died already from the sheer idea of his existence. In that case, I will need a lot of saran wrap because there is no way I'm going through all of eternity without attempting to touch that man. And by touch, I also mean the option of "Other".4
Sherlock Holmes. Of course there have been many adaptions to this timeless character, but here is where I get to be picky. I am highly fond of Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of this genius detective, but it is that of Benedict Cumberbatch's5 Holmes that has me completely reaching for that box of Kleenex to catch the drool that I have been exuding for the past hour.6 He's weird, he's pale, he's tall, he's brilliant! Just my kind of guy! And what's better is that he's British. Check, check, and double check! Where do I sign?!7 Not only does he play the violin, the man's a loaded gun, a self-proclaimed "high-functioning sociopath". Call me crazy, in which you probably already have, but this man is hot. Not only is he probably the most intriguing character ever, he's practically psychotic. He's rude, inconsiderate, a complete ass, and he's the smartest detective that the literary world has come to know. There's always something that keeps a girl coming back for more when a guy treats her, for a lack of better words, like shit. Whether its the fact that their dominance exudes a sense of appeal or that plainly they just look hot when they're angry or ignoring you, we always 'come-a-running' when he turns the other cheek. In that case, give him a slap on the exposed cheek and see what happens. One of two things: you'll either need boxing gloves or you're not going to be able to walk in the morning.8 Nevertheless, Sherlock's game is purely intellectual. And who's better at messing with a man's mind than we are.
Pepé Le Pew. Yes, I know very well that this is cartoon character, but this adorable little skunk is the poster boy for unrequited love, something that we have all experienced at least once in our lives. The words love, devotion, and borderline stalkerish tendencies come to mind when I think of this amorous fauna that wants just one thing: to be loved. He's smooth, classy, a complete idiot. And all you can do is just love him! Plus, he's French.
1 Possibly just made up that word.
2 Huge "discussion" to be explored here, but will not because, after all, this is a happy post.
3 I very well know that they all mean the same thing.
4 NOTE in General: Not only am I an avid fan of Lee Pace (actor), I just can't get enough of some of his other characters. So, in order not to give him prominence and favoritism even though he deserves it as well as the others, I would just like to mention his other character Roy Walker from the glorious and spellbinding film The Fall. Another damaged soul that tells intricate and mesmerizing stories in order to get a child to grab him a bottle of pills so he can remove himself from his current misfortunes: heartbreak and paralysis. Yep.
5 I totally got the spelling on the first go! Champagne showers son!
6 Give or take a few minutes since he's not always on the screen.
7 Yes, I do realize I have an obsession for accents. I like to call it a mere attraction to characters of the linguistic nature.
8 Let's be honest. Every now and then, a girl just wants to get slapped around a bit and thrown up against the wall, initiating the beginnings of the throws of passion. If you say you never have, then you're lying.
No comments:
Post a Comment