Fictionally Taken

Taking inspiration from this lovely blog post that I so happened to fall upon, "Fictional Characters With Whom I Have Fallen In Love", I decided that I too, shall write about my adoration for various fictional loves and all that attracts me about them. I can only agree with the writer, that I, in many instances, have found myself falling for various fabricated creatures of heaven, only to be disappointed that they do not exist and therefore continue to be disappointed by all types of men, real or otherwise. NOTE in Plain Sight: I do realize that I have been non-existent for the past couple of weeks. It has been pointed out to me. In short, I have been busy. People become busy, so therefore I became one of the busy. I am still busy, but considering the circumstances, I am currently free.

Loki Laufeyson. Let's be honest. Women always fall for the bad boy. It's just plain nature. Whether he's damaged or has overcome some obstacle in his life that has made him grow into his present state, there's always just something about the bad guy. Ladies and possible gents out there, this is my bad guy. First and foremost, he's a god. Omnipotency¹ works well for this man. Sure he's the god of mischief and you might want to disappear on the first of April, but that's what makes things exciting. You never know what he'll surprise you with. And to be honest, I believe he should take pointers from the guys of Dick in a Box. Second, he's sexy as fuck. I will say this. If this man did come to rule our world, there would be no hesitation on my part. Actually, if anyone were to ask, I'm self-proclaimed part of the Loki Laufeyson Welcoming Committee. Kneel before your ruler? Which leg goes down first. Third, the man is damaged. As always, it is in our estrogen nature to want to hold and cuddle men like this. Men, who have been overlooked and emotionally beaten are the most appealing. You want to fix all their problems by telling them everything will be okay, which then leads to an intimate moment between you and him, which leads even further to either one of two things: sex or a long night of cuddling. I prefer Option Number 1. So, of course when I saw my sweet, damaged bad boy pour out his heart and soul to his father who so happens to be not his father, I did what any woman would do in my position. I cried. At that moment, I couldn't mask my emotion for this tortured soul who has just come into realization that not only is he adopted, but he is from a different race that is hated by his own people. Hug? Yes. Cuddle? Definitely. Sex? No need for a question mark on that last one. The only con that is evident from this man is that he will betray you in a moments notice. And that little fact about him makes him all the more desirable.

Ned. Where there's bad, there's good and this guy is the sweetest topping of them all. Just plain adorable and possibly the cutest, sweetest, lovable, lovely, darling dear you have ever seen or heard of in television history. And the fuckers canceled the show.² Ned is one of those all-around good guys with a heart of gold, diamond, silver, bronze, you name it! His shy demeanor makes him instantly lovable, his smile and bushy eyebrows just melt your heart. His nickname is the Pie Maker for fuck's sake. How could you not love that?!? What makes him all the more appealing is his perseverance to keep his childhood sweetheart alive by doing the one thing that you would want to do to your childhood sweetheart if you were still hung up on them: Touch her. If you haven't seen the series, I highly recommend it. It was truly one of television's treasures that gets canceled because let's face it... Not everyone knows where the treasure is. Regardless, Ned is the epitome of the sweetest guy in the world. There's nothing wrong about him unless you consider that he helps solves murder cases by touching dead people, allowing them to speak for no more than sixty seconds, then touching them again, returning them to their rigor mortis state. But that's just his side job. Remember, he makes pies. And, if the time comes that I have been murdered, killed, or assassinated³, I can be guaranteed that this man will save me, if I haven't died already from the sheer idea of his existence. In that case, I will need a lot of saran wrap because there is no way I'm going through all of eternity without attempting to touch that man. And by touch, I also mean the option of "Other".⁴

Sherlock Holmes. Of course there have been many adaptions to this timeless character, but here is where I get to be picky. I am highly fond of Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of this genius detective, but it is that of Benedict Cumberbatch's⁵ Holmes that has me completely reaching for that box of Kleenex to catch the drool that I have been exuding for the past hour.⁶ He's weird, he's pale, he's tall, he's brilliant! Just my kind of guy! And what's better is that he's British. Check, check, and double check! Where do I sign?!⁷ Not only does he play the violin, the man's a loaded gun, a self-proclaimed "high-functioning sociopath". Call me crazy, in which you probably already have, but this man is hot. Not only is he probably the most intriguing character ever, he's practically psychotic. He's rude, inconsiderate, a complete ass, and he's the smartest detective that the literary world has come to know. There's always something that keeps a girl coming back for more when a guy treats her, for a lack of better words, like shit. Whether its the fact that their dominance exudes a sense of appeal or that plainly they just look hot when they're angry or ignoring you, we always 'come-a-running' when he turns the other cheek. In that case, give him a slap on the exposed cheek and see what happens. One of two things: you'll either need boxing gloves or you're not going to be able to walk in the morning.⁸ Nevertheless, Sherlock's game is purely intellectual. And who's better at messing with a man's mind than we are.

Pepé Le Pew. Yes, I know very well that this is cartoon character, but this adorable little skunk is the poster boy for unrequited love, something that we have all experienced at least once in our lives. The words love, devotion, and borderline stalkerish tendencies come to mind when I think of this amorous fauna that wants just one thing: to be loved. He's smooth, classy, a complete idiot. And all you can do is just love him! Plus, he's French.

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¹ Possibly just made up that word.

² Huge "discussion" to be explored here, but will not because, after all, this is a happy post.

³ I very well know that they all mean the same thing.

⁴ NOTE in General: Not only am I an avid fan of Lee Pace (actor), I just can't get enough of some of his other characters. So, in order not to give him prominence and favoritism even though he deserves it as well as the others, I would just like to mention his other character Roy Walker from the glorious and spellbinding film The Fall. Another damaged soul that tells intricate and mesmerizing stories in order to get a child to grab him a bottle of pills so he can remove himself from his current misfortunes: heartbreak and paralysis. Yep.

⁵ I totally got the spelling on the first go! Champagne showers son!

⁶ Give or take a few minutes since he's not always on the screen.

⁷ Yes, I do realize I have an obsession for accents. I like to call it a mere attraction to characters of the linguistic nature.

⁸ Let's be honest. Every now and then, a girl just wants to get slapped around a bit and thrown up against the wall, initiating the beginnings of the throws of passion. If you say you never have, then you're lying.